Install Me

I am not the slightest bit interested in your program.

I am surrounded by problems and have a to-do list as long as my arm. The only reason I am at your website right now is because I have heard an unlikely rumor that every one my problems will be eliminated by your software. You’ll forgive me if I’m skeptical.

If eyeball tracking studies are correct, I’ve already read the title and I’m scanning for blue underlined text marked download now. As an aside, if I arrived at this page with a Linux browser from a UK IP, chances are I would like the Linux version from a European mirror, so please don’t ask. Assuming the file dialog opens straight away, I consign the thing to my download folder and carry on reading.

We all constantly perform cost-benefit analysis of everything we do. If your project drops below my threshold for even a second, I will ditch it and go onto something else. Instant gratification is best.

The first hurdle is install. Don’t think that’s much of a problem? Go to your download folder now and have a look around. Full of tar and zip files right? What percentage of those have you unpacked? How many have you installed? If you are like me, only a third are doing little more than acting as hard drive filler.

I may want doorstep convenience, but I don’t want you entering my house uninvited. Before typing install I would like to know exactly where you are putting stuff. It’s my computer and I like to keep it tidy when I can. I also want to be able to remove your program the instant I am disenchanted with it. If I suspect that’s impossible I won’t install it in the first place. My machine is stable right now and I want to keep it that way.

If your program is GUI based then I want to do something simple and see a result. Wizards don’t help, because they do stuff that I don’t understand. Chances are I want to read a file, or write one. I don’t want to create projects, import directories, or tell you my email address. If all is working, on to the tutorial.

If your software is a library, then I carry on reading your web page looking for a quick start guide. I want the equivalent of “Hello world” in a five-line no-brainer with exactly the output described by your website. No big XML files or templates to fill out, just a single script. Remember, I have also downloaded your rival’s framework. You know, the one who always claims to be so much better than yours in the forums? If all is working, onto the tutorial.

There is a tutorial isn’t there? One that talks to me in language I can understand?

And if the tutorial mentions my problem, I’ll cheer up. Now I’m reading about the things I can do it starts to get interesting, fun even. I’ll lean back and sip my tea — did I mention I was from the UK? — and I’ll play with your examples and learn to use your creation. If it solves my problem, I’ll send you a thank-you email. I’ll send you bug reports when it crashes, and suggestions for features too. I’ll even tell all my friends how your software is the best, even though I never did try your rival’s. And all because you took such care over my first tentative steps.
How could I ever have doubted you?

By Marcus Baker